Me

I guess this is just whats been going on lately. I've changed so much lately. I'm never legit home. Every weekend I've been going to parties and during the week I'm just everywhere. I don't know if thats a good thing. My grades are going up and I'm getting decent sleep actually. Omg 2011 has been crazy everyone can drive now its just I feel so old now. But I love it, like I always feel so high now. Everything is just so good now. I'm so excited for this summer. I met a great guy too, his name is Willson he was just so chill like he came up to me asking me all this shit like what school I go to, etc, how old blah blah and then he said, "Your a pretty girl I'm not gonna lie I check you out sometimes. I don't mean to come off as a creeper but do you have a bf?" I was like no. and he said, "you know maybe you and I can try ya know?" Its just I loveeeee straight forward guys like that. I hate these shy guys that take months to say something its a waste of time if playing chase. Its immature he just he said so smoothly he doesn't seem like a player it was soo natural about it all. I'm sooo much happier this way. Like before I was so different. I guess basically I just have a bunch of attractions not really any feelings for any of them. Before I was always the one having feelings but not anymore. I can't handle feelings, I'm 17, I'm free I can do whatever I want...

I'm sorry John, for hurting you. The feelings I get with you are bad, in all honesty you deserve so much better then me... if only I can say this to you...

Wierd

Its so wierd really, I can't stop liking him. But I hate him at the same time, I hate him but like him so much lol. I feel so high haha. The butterflies are killing me!!!
But I hate this, I swore it wouldn't be someone from school. I didn't even know him until this school year and everything changed. I promised myself I wouldn't date anyone in high school. This is bad I see him everyday so it's different, I was fine before just having a bunch of guy friends in and out of school, I was happy, no commitment, nothing. I dont want a relationship I know its bad but its true. I knew if I met the right person then I would want a relationship but this is way too soon. I have to fix my personal problems first, my mom made me realize that I still have a lot of anger towards my dad, I have problems with having an actual relationship because of my dad so dating anyone would be unsucessful. I need to focus on school, relationships are time consuming and stressful. Do I really think it'll be like that with him? No I don't I'm just making excuses not to date him because im petrified.
He actually cares about me, WANTS to know me and that what scares me most. It's wierd because he seems fascinated by my answers like he can't figure it out so he asks more questions idk y. But thats what I'm afraid of him knowing me more then he already does.