:/

Okay so my friend is having a party, all of my friends are going. But I just feel kind of bad, most of the people have like a couple, because EVERYONE is dating. But I just can't seem to get myself to like a guy in my school, for the past 3 years I've liked people outside my school in bordering schools. The guy I like now also doesn't go to my school I guess its an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time... and I only see him three times a week... But this party is in a couple days I dont think I'm gonna go, I'll feel left out not to mention a few unreliable people are going and I heard they are bringing pot and alcohol... obviously my friends wont do that but there are some other people that will especially the guys. If I go it will only be for the night, NO WAY WILL I SLEEPOVER, THATS DISGUSTING. I'm sorry to my two other friends that are girls and are sleeping over a guys house with a bunch of guys and think its fine since his sister will be there, but its not ok. I try explaining it my friend but she doesn't get it, shes so minipulative, why are most girls so minipulative? So many girls pressured to do things with because of peer pressure. I don't do any of what my friends do, and I have the same social status as the rest of them, nothing gained, all they did was lose.
I'm going to be completely honest, peer pressure had affected me, I've done things I regret. I've had thoughts, I'm not going to lie here, But THINKING, is COMPLETELY different from actually doing it. Honestly, what some people believe about me aren't true at all. In school I act act and kind of project myself in ways I shouldn't. Some people think I've done stuff, when I haven't it's just because I act like it since I'm loud, I'm always in trouble in school, so I guess other people assume I do the same as the rest of them when I don't. Really I'm just talk. I barely even understand what I am writing here right now. But what I mean is that I don't cross the line, I don't smoke or drink, never have never will.

Remember awhile ago I told you of this person who I said it'd never work out between us? He smiled at me today. It's just so unfair. We both know it'd never ever work out. I thought I'd be completely over him after what happened on Saturday, but I can't stop looking for him everywhere I go...