I never know what to title this..

Well yesterday I got the weirdest Formspring yet. I've been doing some checking, and I have the slightest idea who it might be. But if it is... it'll ruin my goal from yesterday. But at same time I doubt. I guess I'll have to wait till he responds or until next year.
Anyways tomorrow I'm going to Peru. Everyone thinks I'm chill about it, but inside I'm petrified. I've never been away this long. But at the same time I super excited. I have four of my friends at school in Peru at the same time as me, Fiorella, Bianca, Giancarlo and Hannah. But Giancarlo is my closest friend of them all so I'll be seeing him a lot. Lol, someone to speak English and who understand me! Thank God. lol. I'm sick and I hope the pressure doesn't hurt my ears...
Savitha is going to call me from Massachusetts since she has international calling.
I'm so scared and there is no one to talk too. My friends don't even remotely understand LOL. And my mom is freaking out too, making sure I don't forget anything. Ugh...

Well.

I woke up and felt sick but I can tell I'm getting better. I still went to the mall though and the movies with my friends. I bought a new purse, finally my first actual purse lol. But anyways, I was wish Kristal and Savitha for like 15 minutes. And we saw the hottest Brazilian. Haha, we would. Then we met up with the guys at the mall. I felt kind of bad that we didn't invite Selys... the guys don't really like her. They didn't invite Erin either. Erin used to be my best friend but I don't like her at all anymore. She's changed. I've changed.
Then I got new friends...
So we went to the movies, the movie was wicked funny. Adam was a douche the whole time lol. He laughed at parts that weren't even funny. There were old ladies in front of us telling us to shush because we were so loud. And then two of my friends Shushed back at them. Admittedly it was disrespectful... Most of my friends are really immature... But I'm not one to talk, especially lately.
My friend are doing drivers ed this summer. Thank God, I can go out more lol.
Next year I'm really going try in school... I need a good GPA to get into UMI.
I really screwed up this year.
Savitha and I really screwed up, we both chose social life before academics. 9th grade is really good I don't know what happened 10th grade. I mean I was going out with friends on Wednesday's instead of studying...
I realize now, I only have two years of school left.
In two year no one is going to care where I went or who I was friends with.
But education is for a lifetime. One day, I swear to myself, one day I'll be somebody. Someday I'm going to help people.
This isn't related but once I read... that a guy who was one of the popular ones in school ended up working in McDonalds for years lol.
One day I'll publish a book. :]
But I absolutely know I won't be in any relationship for the next year. Its too much of a distraction for me. When I always get to know someone I push them away, I think I've said this before. But yeah. And right now honestly I'm confused about 3 people. Which is immature of me. So obviously I'm unstable Lol. So I decided I wont do anything about any of them. It's not fair on both parts. I'm going to be like the girl Estella in Great Expectations who has 'no feelings,' Lol hehehe. Giancarlo told me, that the difference between boys and girls is that girls have feelings. Which is so true lol.

So

So. Ronie and Savitha are going out. Hah. I'm against it but I support Savitha since she's my friend. Ronie is my friend, he'll never be anything more then that. I don't trust Ronie. He went out with my other friend. He lied and cheated on her. They only dated for less then a month. Savitha has never had a boyfriend in her life, she was similar too me, we didn't have relationships with guys since most of them were jokes to us. Ronie is the biggest joke around. I don't want my friend to be hurt, and I don't want my friendship with Savitha to be damaged. Ronie flirts with me a lot, rather then Savitha. Ronie and I are really similar in some way, we both laugh all day, we make fun of each other and laugh, we joke about other people all the time. And people never guessed he even liked Savitha, people thought he liked me since he always flirted with me, he even tried touching me. I pushed him away of course. But Savitha deserves so much better! There is no point in being in a relationship that isn't going to work out in the first place. If he liked her so much he wouldn't be flirting with her best friend. i try convincing Savitha but she's so blinded by him. He has also went out with my other friend Molly. Now them too hate each other.
Savitha used to like Davi. Now she isn't sure since Davi is coming back in a couple of months. She thinks she might like Davi again so whats the point of starting one with Ronie. I heard from someone that Davi is coming back because of me. But I strongly and wholly doubt it. It's just weird how he hasn't like another girl since, I know this from Ronie and some of his friends at MHS. It's weird how he is coming back right after his brother graduated, it's like he always planned to come back and only wanted to stay because his brother was there. Nobody comes back to my school after a whole year...at most, a couple months.
This weekend I'm seeing Davi. Since we have to go there, it's where Davi works...
So yeah. This is whats up with my life. I saw Toy Story 3 with my friend yesterday, it was a good movie... but the first one was better. It's sad how near the end the toys almost died. :[
Andy is pretty hot for a carttoon lol.
But other then Davi, I don't take any of my guys friends seriously. I don't think I'll ever have a relationship in high school, because plainly, I dont want too. High School is a joke too me. I only care about having fun screw the complicated.
Ronie told me himself, that all his relationships were never taken seriously, just for fun lol.
To me, my only focus is doing better in school next year, finish writing my book and having a great time with my friends. Thats my life's focus. Boyfriends are at the bottom of my list.
Deep in my heart, I wasnt him to come back.
Thats my flaw lol.

Omg so true

"It's like she is trying to make up for what she ain't but"

hmm

I can relate to this song so much
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7W4I0tQZps
"When it's all said and done. Even I dont like me"
Being in high school is so hard sometimes lol.

LOL

Ok, I know I deleted all of my posts mainly because I reread them and it felt stupid. But I really need to say some stuff. So I'm wicked confuzed. So there's this guy...LOL... but it's impossible for it to work out because it'd NEVER be socially accepted and it's inapropriate. I won't say what Im talking about because it's just too personal. All the time in the hallways he makes eye contact with me and then smiles everyday.
But I hate it because it's similar to the feeling I had with Davi. And Davi is coming back next year. I dont know for sure but even Felipe said he was! My friend is asking Ronie since he won't lie to her since Ronnie knows I had the biggest thing for Davi last year.
I really need this summer lol.
I'm honestly having some problems with my friends. One of them came and told me that we aren't as close as we used to be. Which I don't really understand. Nothing's changed other then the last couple days because she was quiet. But I guess I understand her... she's so stressed about school. We both haven't been doing as good as we were supposed to be. We both leaned over towards the social life. Not only that I feel really bad... on every single test, quiz I have done better then her... For the math final she studied for 5 hours... I barely studied and I got over 20 points higher then her...
There's so much drama to type in one post. I'm worried if she'll go out with my friend. No offence to him but she deserves so much better then him. She's so innocent and he's a drinking sex atic. I try telling her that he is going to have expectations from her that she won't be able to give him. He is known for cheating. During the year he 'liked' her... he's had sex and flirted with 20 girls.
Next year is SAT's, I really need to take school seriously. So much has happened this year.
I made a few new friends though. Their names are Grace and Jerry.
Jerry is the nicest person I have ever met. lol.
What I realized lately about myself is that I'm not mature enough to have a relationship lol. I'm still too much into physical looks... but I know it's a lie. I honestly in my heart don't care about how someone looks. But I'm really not looking for any relationship at all. I just like having fun.
My ''''''''friend''''''''' is spreading rumors about me. She said I like him. Because she can tell by the way I "LOOK" at him. Complete BS.
This is what I love about guys, they dont start all the drama crap the way girls do. Their fun to joke around and be with. Girls take things too seriously sometimes.
Well I'm wicked tired...
Night :]